Madspoon

What's behind the Hollywood sign?

2010-11-23T20:20:00.000Z

View from apartment

2010-11-23T20:19:00.000Z

First Hollywood premiere

2010-11-23T20:18:00.000Z

First snow of the year

2010-11-23T20:15:00.000Z

Hollywood Sign Makeover

2010-02-14T19:22:00.000Z

The Hollywood sign has been hijacked by protestors, true story: http://www.cbc.ca/arts/film/story/2010/02/12/hollywood-sign-covered-protest.html

They are half way through their work and I took a picture... not sure what exactly they want...

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::dok::
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Coffee Bean 'Conversations'

2010-01-01T23:37:00.001Z

I've got no broadband at the moment having just moved place, so I'm in the local Coffee Bean.

There are two Asians in front of me having a conversation, the girl is texting as she talks constantly, the guy is on his laptop and concentrating totally on what he is looking at. At first I thought she must be on a cell phone since that was the only thing that made sense to me.

In fairness to her and the dude what she had to say was not interesting to anyone, not even herself so I don't blame either of them for not paying attention.

Happy New Year :)

Christmas Poem 2009

2009-12-24T13:25:00.001Z

14 little ducks sitting in a row,
one fell over and just said ow.

a snowflake fell and landed on his head
an old man passing gave him some bread

the 14th duck waddled to a gutter
on his way to find some butter

3 days later hungry and very cold
Santa picked him up and Duck 14 he did hold

to the North Pole they did head
where Santa gave him buttered bread

every day the duck lacked nothing
he ate everything from bread to pudding

on Christmas Eve Santa began to cry
he bid the fat duck a last goodbye

his trip took him from west to east
and he returned to a delicious duck feast

Santa, Mrs. Claus and all the elves,
and thirteen ducks stuffed themselves

for what seemed like an innocent fall
was a conspiracy between the 13 ducks all

Duck 14 had the time of his life
stuffed his face and shagged Santa's wife!

and what he's happiest about the most
is now he'll haunt them as a ghost!

Cat Poem for Friday

2009-09-11T20:44:00.001+01:00

a cat
a cat a cat cat
sat on a mat
asleep or awake
bam bam bam
cat cake

scoop up the cat
slice it, dice it
serve it to a mouse
who lives in your house

big fat mouse
sitting in your house
happy little mouse
fat little mouse
stamp stamp stamp
no more mouse

clean up the mouse
feed it to your dog
the dog sits beside a log
boom
exploding dog
dog on the frog, no more log
dog in the bog, dog fed to the hog
it was a nice dog

sitting in the garden
an elf appears
hello he says
bang bang bang
shoot him in the balls
smalls balls small balls
no balls no balls
bleed to death little elf
he said to himself

flying through the cloud
a noise was loud
green goats falling from the sky
why? oh why?
i could not deny
their destiny was to die
green goats fell, splat splat splat
hit them with a bat
but what about the cat?
dead cat

Shame of Irish History

2009-05-26T22:32:00.003+01:00

A true gentleman, humble and articulate spoke of his horror at the hands of those given the responsibility of his care by the Irish state and the Catholic church in Ireland on the RTE current affairs show Questions & Answers on Monday night last.

That he had the ability to be so articulate and well spoken while speaking of those horrors made his piece more striking and silenced everyone on the panel. How will the Irish government respond to this one simple piece of evidence?

The Irish nation is always seeking justice for its people from the British nation but this time the Irish government and Catholic church in Ireland needs to pay the price for its ills. We can then hopefully learn from our mistakes and move on.

There is no more to be said than just watching this video and make your own mind up about how you feel about this shameful chapter in Irish history.

ROG, the Queen and 'Gaelic names'

2009-05-21T21:28:00.005+01:00

Mr. Brian Robert Kenney of Baggot St Dublin writes that people who "sign their names in Gaelic...tells us something about their anti-British motivation."

Firstly, lets get down to the base of this subject. Ronan O'Gara did show a lack of respect by his actions when the Queen of England visited the Irish rugby team at Stormont. For sure, Irish people should be mature enough and confident enough to show respect to the head of state of any nation, especially our closest neighbour.

The Queen of England is the head of state of the United Kingdom and should be shown the same respect as the President of Germany, King Carl XVI Gustaf of Sweden or the Emir of Kuwait. Moreso, because the Queen of England is for some of the team mates of Ronan O'Gara, their head of state too.

But Mr. Kenney pushes it too far when he brings in the fact that people sign their name in Gaelic or not. Firstly, the Irish language or any language should have no place in politics. The Irish language is beautiful and becoming ever more popular and trendy with TG4 and new Irish speaking 'celebrities' leading the way forward in this revolution.

There are people from outside of Ireland learning the language too, I myself encountered a Japanese man and an African learning the language at classes recently.

The problem Mr. Kenney is that despite your glee in labeling certain people as bigots is that you yourself are one too. I agree with some of your sentiment about being sick of people pushing their Ireland is not Britain agenda but you've shown yourself to be a bigot on the other side and this is often the problem in these disputes and the way people show their feelings in conversation on these topics.

So, get over yourself and allow people the freedom to choose and speak whatever language they wish and express themselves this way without fear of prejudice from people like you.

For the record, I am a British citizen and an Irish citizen, proud of both (at times, sometimes not too as recent news from both countries brings shame on both nations).

Polish Crew Cutz

2009-05-01T11:40:00.002+01:00

What is it with female Eastern European Barbers (are girls allowed to be called barbers?) and their need to butcher ones hair every single time!?

I know that Polish and Slovakian guys walk around for the most part like they have just left army training but surely the girls from the east who come to work in the fine hair dressing establishments of Dublin can see from Irish men that we don't need to be butchered too.

What does the translation of "just a little bit off the top please" mean in Lithuanian?

Even dogs are talking about the recession!

2009-04-29T11:45:00.003+01:00

I was up in the Dublin Mountains the other day when I saw this sign, very funny to think of dogs telling sheep they look fat in their wool or that the ESRI has predicted a rate of 17% unemployment next year. The poor sheep will be worried sick!

But fear not, the farmer has a plan, a drastic one at that. He will shoot any of these dogs that are worrying his poor sheep. Drastic times call for drastic measures.

The Alcove - Dar es Salaam

2009-04-28T16:20:00.003+01:00

The restaurant seemed to be the only one open on a Saturday night in Dar es Salaam, which is not the most exciting city in the world.

I joined my friends inside the nice looking and potentially atmospheric restaurant. We ordered our food and awaited the Goan Fish Curry, Chow Mein and Chicken Noodle dishes we had ordered in this Indian & Chinese restaurant. Then we waited some more and waited and waited. Then we watched as all of the tables around us, where Indian people sat, were served before us.

Finally the food arrived a full one hour and twenty minutes after we had ordered. The food was average and was more expensive than in Europe. Then they had they audacity to add VAT to the already extortionate prices!

This restaurant is by no means gourmet or top class and wouldn't feature in Europe at all. It is far far too expensive and the service is terrible - the waiters don't seem to be paid much and so don't care either.

My advice - don't eat at Alcove. Try somewhere else, eat Tanzanian food!

Rally against murders in Antrim and Armagh

2009-03-11T09:07:00.002Z

There is absolutely no reason why people in Dublin, Cork, Limerick and Galway among other towns should not rally against the recent murders in Antrim and Armagh. Thousands are expected to take to the streets today in Belfast, Derry and Newry to protest against recent murders.

ICTU, who are involved in organising these rallies should promote the same in all town centres around the country. They should be promoting this right now as we speak and all political parties in Ireland should be joining with them.

Minimum charge on debit/credit card usage

2009-02-27T15:03:00.004Z

Well well well, I don't usually eat in O'Briens anymore but I was hungry for a snack so I had a poke in the door to see what they had but immediately saw the massive sign they had up "MINIMUM CHARGE €10 ON DEBIT/CREDIT CARD".

Now I do not understand this policy. Why, oh why, would anyone refuse business just because it is on a card? It makes people like me walk away and it loses them income. It does not help the economy in any way.

In Holland, they have a system called Chipknip where your chip acts as cash, you can put money onto the chip part of the card and spend it in stores, any amount whatsoever.

I asked in one shop, a Spar in Glasnevin, why they wouldn't accept cards for transactions under €10 and the shop assistant was bewildered. He said he wasn't sure but that he thought it was because it meant more work for them at the end of the day so they tried to minimise transactions on card to save them work.

Hopefully, Ireland, the Ireland of the Celtic Tiger, will realise that we have not only to be at the same level as other countries around the world in how we embrace technology but we should try to be ahead of them. Let's take the lead in embracing technology that accelerates our economic wellbeing.

iPhone 2.5G - Pros & Cons

2009-02-23T16:01:00.002Z

Pros:

It allows you to surf the internet easily
The camera is high quality and works well
The clock functionality is good (although it would be nice to be able to set a song as the alarm)
Youtube works well
The map and direction functionality is great (although limited if you don't have data as part of your deal)
The Notes function is very handy

Cons:

No MMS, it lets you take photos but you can't then send them to someone via MMS
Can't forward text messages
Can't delete one text message, only a whole conversation
It lets you enter contacts company details but doesn't let you list the contacts by company
Vodafone doesn't support it
The phone freezes (after owning it less than 12 months!) quite often and sometimes it seems out of coverage but indicates otherwise
You can't set songs on the iPod as ring tones
There is no video phone capability

Overall I would recommend that you look at the other products available out there and see whether they have the missing functionality. It seems that Apple didn't make any attempt to solve these with the move to the 3G iPhone which is a pity. I would be ditching mine and probably moving to a new Nokia or the Blackberry Storm except that I am not in the economic position to do so.

New York Post Cartoon Apology Unnecessary

2009-02-20T12:14:00.004Z

The New York Post today issued an apology for the controversial cartoon that has sparked much anger among some people.

Those commentators who have overreacted to a cartoon that is clearly innocent and meant to mock those politicians and lawmakers who wrote the much flawed stimulus bill in the United States. Their overreaction has in fact heightened racial tension and highlighted racial stereotypes. For them to assume that a chimp represents Barack Obama is to have racial sentiment themselves and instead of ignoring it and seeing it for what it is, it only gives ammunition to those who wish to further propagate those stereotypes.

The cartoon was topical and recent, taking influence from a recent news story about police officers shooting dead a chimp that had attacked a poor unfortunate lady. The cartoon was also relevant to the political debate about the strength of the stimulus bill, yes championed by Barack Obama, but not written by him. Does anyone really think he sits in the Oval Office typing out a huge document like this? Absolutely not.

The stimulus bill is flawed. It has provisions which were inserted to satisfy certain politicians who would not support it otherwise. It also brings into question the strength of the economics upon which it is based, that of spending money just for the sake of it to put more liquidity into the economy and hence stimulate it.

The good news is that Barack Obama is a black politician who has moved on from the reactionary angry politics of Rev. Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson and is more conciliatory and is a politician and not a black politician. This is the process by which racism will be removed from society and that is why he is a natural leader. Anyone still looking for further apology or clarification from the Post needs to get over themselves and move on. History is history, lets get on with the future and help restart the economy.

Buying a car in the USA

2008-11-07T00:29:00.006Z

I recently bought a car in the US - as a foreign national. It took me a while to get over the complexities of what I needed but in the end it is not a difficult process. Once you know what you are doing. This blog could apply to anyone who wants to do a road trip across the USA or if you are there for a summer or short period.

Well, here is what you need (in California anyway):

1. Money - have a budget, you can get a cheap car

2. An address, friend, relative, doesn't matter

That's it!

What are the steps:

1. Find perfect car. Use Autotrader, Craigslist or another source, call the people on the ad. Make sure the car is not salvage i.e. clean title. Make sure it is currently registered and ensure that it has had a recent smog test (California only I think?). You can also use Car Survey to tell you what people have said about their cars. The general rule that I found was that American cars are generally unreliable and that foreign cars will last longer. One car, a 2000 Ford Taurus drove well in test drive but when we looked at Car Survey we realised that this could bring problems for us. We narrowed our search to Honda and Nissan in the end.

2. Check Kelley Blue Book value. This is a site that can tell the approximate value of the car you want to purchase based on the specifications that you enter. Remember that you are going on what the seller tells you. Normally a dealer will charge more than a private seller so there is that to consider but a dealer may give you a guarantee or some sort of comeback.

3. Check the history of the car. There are a couple of sites online that charge a small fee to check the history of the car. Carfax is one of the most well known. You will need the cars VIN - ask the seller - which is the Vehicle ID number and in theory was given to each mechanic every time there was an issue with the car. It will tell you if the car is stolen, how many owners it has had and some other useful information.

4. Make your purchase. Ensure you get a signed receipt from the seller, doesn't have to be official but just something for your records. They will sign over the registration title to you which you will need.

5. Register the car in your name. You can make a DMV appointment online. Take the title to your local DMV (this is for California - may be different in other states) and have the car registered in your name.

6. Insure yourself to drive the car. If you are a foreign national you can get insurance. You do not need a social security number for this. All you need is the VIN, your name, address, driving license details - from your own country obviously and money to pay. It will cost slightly more than California residents with state license but not that much more. Do not use Guru, they are inefficient and unreliable. I recommend Calico Insurance but remember there are many insurance companies who will compete for your quote. The broker earns a commission from the sale. Make sure your cover is what you require and understand the terminology such as "15/20/15" and what this means.

7. You are free to drive if you have made all of the steps above. Remember in the US that you can turn right on red at most traffic lights, that a 4 way stop sign yields right of way to whoever got there first or if you meet at the same time, to the person on the right. In Los Angeles at least, the traffic runs smooth and there are traffic lights at almost every second block so there is no need to speed as you will not get there quicker.

Parking is a pain! Really, an absolute pain. The Parking Enforcement people are really really pedantic and have absolutely no mercy. They would give their dying mother a ticket if she was one centimetre outside the line. So, park in the same direction as traffic - seriously! Park inside the white lines of the spaces. Always read the street signs. Park within 30cm of the kerb and always set a reminder about a metre - cos they will give you a ticket. One tip to remember, Americans are lazy and don't want to walk so you can often find free parking one block away from where you are going so have a little drive around.

At nighttime you will fall mercy to the scam of valet parking. Tip a minimum i.e. as in the 50c or $1 difference that the $9.50 valet costs. If they want to complain about their pay they can ask their employer to give them more of the $9.50 rip off charge they're getting to park at their feckin restaurant!

Citywest Hotel

2008-09-19T11:44:00.005+01:00

Just a big shout out to the Citywest Hotel who displayed fantastic customer service to me recently. I was staying there for a wedding and I had to iron a white shirt. Some gobshite staying in the room before us had ironed something that left some sort of black material all over the iron which then melted onto and into the material of my shirt. I don't blame the hotel for this, it was the guest who stayed previously who didn't inform them when it happened.

I called reception and they had somebody take the shirt away to dryclean it. However, this was not successful and they subsequently refunded me in full for the shirt and sent a letter of apology. Fantastic!

La Clique

2008-09-11T10:35:00.005+01:00

I went to see La Clique at the Dublin Fringe Festival last night. What an awesome spectacle of contortion, feats of acrobatic strength and balance and comedy wrapped in one.

The highlights of the show for me were Michael Angelo, the possibly Eastern European crooner who entertained us with his penchant for poetic song and his irresistible personality as well as Mario Queen of the Circus, a Queen singing juggler and Frodo the Rubber Man from Norway, the man with the many double joints. Finally a mention for the men in suits, I should say no more but their performance was incredible.

If you get a chance to see it in Dublin or elsewhere, then do.

The demise of Youtube - will DailyMotion fill its place?

2008-08-28T12:42:00.002+01:00

I'm most likely not the first person to get on his high horse about this whatever the forum. I'll also most likely not be the last. What is it with youtube and blocking video these days? And worse what is it with people posting up 'video's but then only having text and images - not real video at all?

As an example there have been several incidents throughout the Olympic Games that are worth watching again and again. Obviously the IOC have some form of copyright on these videos but surely the internet is there to get around this and to let us see a clip of Phelps breaking records, Bolt's amazing sprints or the Cuban taekwondo kick on the referee!

Alas it is not to be and while there are some funny or interesting home produced video on youtube, watching sports events after they have happened will always be something that people expect to be able to do on the internet. When searching Google (owners of Youtube) for this video content it is mysteriously not there, most likely as they don't want people to go anywhere but Youtube or Google Video for it.

Hulu has emerged as another strong contender for what will work with video online. In the US, ABC screen LOST online after it has been shown on TV. This is an issue with actors at the moment and the bone of much contention in terms of the SAG strike but for the consumer it is progress and something that should be championed sooner. Hopefully, ABC or their counterpart in Ireland, will be able to screen LOST online outside of the US for those viewers in Ireland who may have missed it on TV. They just need to work out the terms. In the meantime people will continue to watch it on surfthechannel at no expense to them and no profit to ABC.

Olympic Games

2008-08-21T10:36:00.001+01:00

Try your own version of the Olympic Games just like this dude:

GYMNASTIQUE PEKIN 2008 (REMI GAILLARD)
by nqtv

Supervalu Cornflakes

2008-07-07T09:19:00.003+01:00

As we in Ireland finally begin to realise that we've been ripped off by the supermarkets and other retailers for years but only have ourselves to blame it is time to begin making note of some of the bargains that are out there.

Not only have a third of Irish shoppers abandoned in some for the larger retailers such as Tesco and Dunnes for Lidl and Aldi but they've begun to shop for non brand goods too.

Recently I found a 750g box of corn flakes in Supervalu for EUR1.87. In Centra a 500g box of Kellogg's corn flakes on Special Offer was EUR2.37.

You're probably thinking; hey aren't those non brand corn flakes usually tasteless and cardboardlike? Believe it or not, these corn flakes are actually delicious! I was pleasantly surprised and as long as Super Valu are selling these I'll be buying them instead of Kellogg's.

America's hurling messiah

2008-07-07T09:09:00.005+01:00

There was a really interesting article published in the sleaziest tabloid of them all, the Sunday Independent, yesterday. It's great to see some recognition for Dave Olson and the work of the Milwaukee Hurling Club. Let's hope the GAA can put some more faith in the international aspect of the game which is growing thanks to the great work of people like Dave and others in Europe, Australia and Asia. Promotion the game among locals is the key to the success of these games abroad. The New York County Board needs to take on board the work done here and follow suit instead of allowing clubs to pay for county players from Ireland to fly over to the US taking them out of competitions that they think they are too good for such as the Christy Ring Cup and the Nicky Rackard Cup. If they were too good for those competitions they wouldn't have been knocked out the Championship. The NAGAA along with the GAA needs to enforce some rules minimising the amount of transfers or better still enforce a quota on local citizens in each jurisdiction i.e. US citizens in the NAGAA, UK citizens in Britain and especially London and so on.

Not to maintain a negative slant only here the GAA have made great strides in recent years in recognising the importance and significance of the game internationally. Not only will new flair and skills be brought to the game, it will benefit from immensely, but it is something that needs to happen. The monotony of the Leinster Hurling Championship for example where Kilkenny are in a spell of domination and the Leinster Council are considering holding it outside of Croke Park, is one reason to generate new teams worldwide who can compete eventually at the highest level. Another reason to promote the game internationally is the increased immigrant population in Ireland. As these people develop skills in Gaelic Games shouldn't they have somewhere to take them should they decide to return home?

Just one final point on the article, it was an article on Hurling but independent.ie have included it in 'Other Sports'.

Gentlemanly Behaviour

2008-05-20T12:15:00.002+01:00

An interesting article from the London Times online today about gentlemanly behaviour. Bad manners and rudeness are a pet hate of mine in all forms, obnoxiousness, arrogance and any other form of superiority complex that people portray. Modern Ireland and especially her economic success has generated a lot of these traits in some people. Plus, being a gentleman will ensure you end up with a lady and not a tramp ; )

Timbledon

2008-05-12T11:45:00.002+01:00

Bingo once had a really funny idea to go to Wimbledon when Tim Henman was playing and shout "Timmmmaaaaayyyyyyyyy" instead of the standard "Come on, Tim" that his fans did for years.

I always thought that was a really funny idea. However, funnier still (for me anyway), would be to go to Wimbledon this year and at an Andy Murray game shout "Come on Tim!" all dressed in English gear...

It's a myth that the world's oil is running out

2008-04-29T14:38:00.002+01:00

Another interesting article from the London Sunday Times:

It's a myth that the world's oil is running out

American account

Irwin Stelzer

THERE are more misunderstandings about the oil market than perhaps any other. In America, drivers are fuming and politicians are demanding explanations because petrol has hit about $3.50 a gallon. That's 47p a litre, less than half the 105p-115p being paid by British motorists. So "high" in Cambridge, Massachusetts, and Oxford, Mississippi, is "low" in similarly named cities in Britain. But assume that prices are "high", which indeed they are by historic standards. We are mistaken when we think these "high" prices are causing inflation. High oil prices can force consumers to spend more on petrol and heating oil, at the expense of other purchases. Ask any suffering restaurateur or clothes retailer if you doubt that. But high oil prices can't trigger a rise in the general price level – inflation – unless someone pumps money into the economy so that, to use an oldie but goodie from the economists' lexicon, there is more money chasing the same amount of goods. If you want something to blame for inflation, don't look at oil prices, look at the billions the Federal Reserve's monetary policy gurus and their confederates at the US Treasury are pouring into the economic system. Another myth: we are running out of oil. According to WorldPublic Opinion.org, "majorities in 15 of the 16 nations surveyed around the world think that oil is running out . . . only 22% on average believe that 'enough oil will be found so that it can remain a primary source of energy for the foreseeable future' ". Those majorities who think we are running out of oil include 85% of the British and 76% of the American citizens polled. Luckily, they are wrong. Production of oil is being constrained by several forces, none of them due to God's failure to put enough of the black gold under our feet. Several countries that are important sources of supply are in political turmoil, and unable to bring to market the oil they are capable of producing. Think Nigeria, where security problems have shut down about 20% of the nation's capacity of 2.5m barrels a day and discouraged new investment, and Iraq, where political paralysis and terrorists have kept production at less than half its potential. Other countries will not develop the reserves of oil known to lie under their territories. Russia has made it clear that foreigners who invest in its oil industry might be playing a game with Vladimir Putin known as heads I win, tails you lose. Find nothing and you lose your money; find substantial reserves and the state squeezes you until your shareholders' pips squeak. Only companies at least 51% owned by Russians – read FOPs, Friends of Putin – are allowed to look for oil in the new, difficult areas in which it is to be found. Little surprise that oil output dropped in the first quarter of this year. Mexico's president, Felipe Calderon, wants to revive Petroleos de Mexico (Pemex), the world's third-largest oil producer, by contracting with foreign companies to introduce modern methods of extracting more from existing fields and finding new ones. But legislation is stalled by left-wingers who have seized and are sleeping at podiums in both houses of congress. Saudi Arabia's royal family has announced that it will not expand capacity. Abdallah Jum'ah, chief executive of the kingdom's oil company, said high prices didn't mean the world needs more oil because such market signals were "imperfect", and energy minister Ali al-Naimi has announced that there are no plans to embark on a new round of expansion. The oil is there, but with current production yielding about $120 a barrel, there is no incentive to find more, especially since new production might drive down prices as demand from the slowing American economy falls. Venezuela's oil industry can only be described as a mess. President Hugo Chavez's cronies are inadequate substitutes for the technicians they have replaced, so production is falling, while foreign investors are reluctant to trust hundreds of millions in exploration dollars to a regime that treats contracts as the first step in a negotiation. In America, Congress alternates between calls for "energy independence" and refusals to allow drilling in what it considers environmentally sensitive areas in Alaska and offshore California and Florida. There's more, but you get the idea. There is a lot of oil out there to be found and produced, not even including the vast reserves in Canada's tar sands. We might have reached the age of peak panic about oil supplies, but not of peak oil. One thing we think we know about the oil business is correct. High oil prices and the greenhouse gasses produced by using oil have important geopolitical consequences. These $100+ prices have led to a massive flow of wealth, and hence power, from consuming to producing countries. If oil were still $20 or even $40 a barrel Russia would not have the wherewithal to revert to its bullying foreign policy, and America's banks would not be going hats-in-hand to Arab capitals in search of new capital. If petrol prices had not closed in on $4 a gallon in America, thousands of Chelsea tractors and small trucks would not be sitting, unsold and unloved, on dealers' lots. If oil had not gone above $100 a barrel, the current enthusiasm for super-expensive nuclear power would not have reached fever pitch. And if oil did not produce greenhouse gases when propelling cars and heating homes, there would be no huge subsidies for ethanol production, acreage would not be diverted from growing food to growing fuel, and the current run-up in food prices would be less steep. So oil indeed matters. But not in the ways we most often think. Irwin Stelzer is a business adviser and director of economic policy studies at the Hudson Institute.

The global food crisis

2008-04-24T11:19:00.000+01:00

Who will win the war between environmental concerns and the global food crisis? Is this the beginning of something bigger? Currently commodities are hitting all time highs every day but what effect is this having on everyday people. Around the world people are starting to feel the pinch and for the first time since the Second World War food is being rationed in the US.

'Bioethical' fuels as well as speculators pushed out of stocks by the credit crunch are the main causes of this current crisis. The price of oil continues to rise, hitting a new high of EUR 74 a barrel today, irrelevant of the weakness of the dollar. The US dollar continues to get weaker, the ECB refuses to cut interest rates which is required to boost flagging economies whose property bubble has burst such as Ireland and Spain.

Land is being used to grow crops to produce ethanol for fuel instead of for fuel. Global warming is causing land in places such as Australia to go dry and the rice crops to disappear. Riots take place in Haiti over the price of food. Food and fuel based inflation is getting worse.

Who knows what will happen next or what the solution to all of this is? Generally the world, the economy and the markets find a way to remove this problem, Darwinism and mother nature will invariably take over and cut away what's unnecessarily being created by human beings.

Some interesting commentary from the London Times this morning:

Food crisis: rationing introduced in bid to protect rice supplies

With supplies dwindling and customers hoarding stocks, the US giant Wal-Mart and British stores are starting to restrict sales

Wal-Mart has said that its wholesale business had limited each customer to four bags of long-grain white rice per visit because of a shortage in supplies

Suzy Jagger in New York and David Charter in Brussels

British shopkeepers and the US retailer Wal-Mart have rationed rice sales to protect dwindling supplies.

The move by the world's biggest retailer, which owns Asda, constitutes the first time that food rationing has been introduced in the US. While Americans suffered some rationing during the Second World War for items such as petrol, light bulbs and stockings, they have never had to limit consumption of a key food item.

In Britain rice is being rationed by shopkeepers in Asian neighbourhoods to prevent hoarding. Tilda, the biggest importer of basmati rice, said that its buyers — who sell to the curry and Chinese restaurant trade as well as to families — were restricting customers to two bags per person. "It is happening in the cash-and-carries," said Jonathan Calland, a company executive. "I heard from our sales force that one lady went into a cash-and-carry and tried to buy eight 20kg bags."

Wal-Mart said that Sam's Club, its wholesale business, which sells food to restaurants and other retailers, had limited each customer to four bags of long-grain white rice per visit. In the past three months wholesalers have experienced a sharp rise in demand for food items such as wheat, rice and milk as businesses stocked up to protect themselves against rising prices.

Global rice prices have more than doubled in the past year partly because countries such as China and India — whose economies are booming — are buying more food from abroad. At the same time, key rice producers banned exports of rice to ensure that their own people could continue to afford to buy the staple: India, China, Vietnam and Egypt have all blocked exports and so demand for rice from countries such as the United States has increased.

Costco Wholesale, the largest warehouse operator in America, said this week that demand for rice and flour had risen, with customers panicking about shortages and hoarded produce.

Tim Johnson, of the California Rice Commission, said: "This is unprecedented. Americans — particularly in states such as California — have on occasion walked into a supermarket after a natural disaster and seen that the shelves are less full than usual, but we have never experienced this."

Food prices across the world have rocketed in the past two years, driven by increased demand for corn — the grain that is fermented to produce ethanol, the biofuel. With corn a main foodstock in dairy farming, milk has doubled in price in two years.

Growing awareness of global food shortages have exposed a deep divide in Europe over how best to guarantee supplies.

Germany joined France yesterday in demanding that the European Union maintain huge subsidies paid to farmers. The EU pays €42 billion (£34 billion) a year to farmers through the Common Agricultural Policy (CAP). Britain has called for its removal, claiming that it distorts the food market at vast expense to taxpayers. Berlin argued that the global food scare showed the need for subsidies to continue beyond 2013, when reforming nations, led by Britain, want to scrap payments that prop up unviable farms.

In a further assault on Britain's policy of liberalisation, German ministers also backed French opposition to Peter Mandelson's direction of world trade talks. The Trade Commissioner is offering cuts in EU farm subsidies to trigger concessions from other trading blocs, but Paris and Berlin believe that he has gone too far in chasing a global deal at a time of protectionist pressures.

Under a concession won in 2005 by Tony Blair in exchange for a cut in Britain's EU rebate, an EU budget review will begin this year. Farm payments in the form of the CAP budget and the ¤10 billion rural development budget are up for debate.

Germany said that a rush to cut subsidies could leave the EU unable to feed itself. "We have to make sure that we can provide this continent with food sustainability and make sure that we produce enough to combat poverty in the developing world," Horst Seehofer, the German Agriculture Minister, said.

President Sarkozy of France has pledged to reform the CAP but has yet to give details and is under immense pressure from farmers to continue their handouts. Mr Seehofer added: "In the future we will have food conflicts . . . and we have to make sure that the population here is fed at prices that are affordable. Food security is a demand of our population."

British diplomats in Brussels dismissed the food security argument. "You cannot spend 45 per cent of the EU budget on 5 per cent of the population who produce 3 per cent of the EU's output," one said.

THE GLOBAL FOOD CRISIS

Melksham, Wiltshire

It is mid-morning and the car park of the Aldi supermarket in Melksham, Wiltshire, is almost full. The German chain is benefiting from increases in food prices, welcoming customers who previously shopped at Sainsbury's or Somerfield.

Paul and Tracy Jones are new faces at Aldi, having driven six miles from their home in Corsham. They have a monthly food budget of £400 for themselves and their three children. Paul said: "We have definitely noticed the increase in food prices. Everything has gone up, even here. We are paying 30p to 40p more for a chicken than we were a year ago."

Lake Naivasha camp, Kenya

Virginia Ndungu, a 55-year-old mother of eight, watches her daughter stir a blackened pot of cornmeal gruel in front of a tent in a refugee camp where they have lived since January (Nick Wadhams writes). This is tonight's meal, and there will be no bread, no meat, and no tea.

Camps like this are the front line in the global crunch over rising food prices. "I have nothing, not even ten cents – how can I afford sugar for porridge," said Ms Ndungu, who farmed chickens but was displaced during Kenya's postelection violence.

Brasilia, Brazil

Like hundreds of shoppers who crowd into Guara market on the outskirts of Brazil's capital, Brasilia, Antonia da Souza complained about the startling increases in the cost of food (Gabriella Gamini writes). "The price of rice has doubled, bread too. Tomatoes have tripled and black beans are 30 per cent more expensive," she said. "I would have to spend three times as much I used to six months ago to get my weekly shopping needs, but salaries have not gone up so I can only half fill my shopping basket."

Bombay, India

Every morning the price of milk sends Shankar Vemula into a state of despondency (Rhys Blakely writes). Mr Vemula, 40, a driver, lives with his wife, five children and his parents-in-law in a tiny one-room house. "Our morning litre of milk now costs 35 rupees (45p)," Mrs Vemula says. Three months ago it cost 18 or 20 rupees. The cost of everyday staples has soared. A bunch of spinach used to cost one or two rupees in the market, now it is seven or eight rupees, Mrs Vemula says. Brinjal, or aubergine, an Indian favourite, is now 30 rupees per kilogram – six months ago it was 15 rupees.

We love The Hoff

2008-04-19T01:32:00.002+01:00

Hasselhoff keeps nickname in settlement

Former 'Baywatch' star David Hasselhoff has reportedly agreed a divorce settlement with his ex-wife, which allows him to keep his nicknames and catchphrases.

According to 'Access Hollywood', the settlement papers in the case say that Hasselhoff will keep the rights to the names 'The Hoff' and 'Malibu Dave' and the catchphrase 'Don't Hassel the Hoff' in various countries.

As part of the settlement the actor has agreed to pay $25,000 a month to support his ex-wife Pamela Bach and his two daughters, 17-year-old Taylor and 15-year-old Hayley.

Hasselhoff and Bach divorced in 2006 after being married for more than 16 years.

Generate Your Own Electricity

2008-04-19T01:06:00.002+01:00

Now this is a very interesting article and it would be nice to know how the Irish government plan to operate their scheme announced this week. Whatever they do, if successful, this will also help the economy as fuel cost is one of the major contributions to inflation.

From the Guardian:

It was with some trepidation that I went into the cellar this week to take some meter readings in order to find out how the solar panels we had fitted on our house exactly a year ago have been performing. Was the hefty sum of £8,500 we forked out last year a good investment or a waste of money?

Well, the news is better than I had expected. We, a family of four, have produced 92% of our electricity usage from the roof of a century-old terraced house in south-east London - laying to rest the idea that Britain is not sunny enough for solar power. It also disproves any suggestion this sort of technology only works in state-of-the-art, modern detached houses.

Not only will we not pay for any electricity, we should get a rebate of about £50 once a payment from the so-called renewables obligation (RO) scheme, which rewards microgeneration schemes with cash, is included.

In all, the saving for the past year will be around £500, giving a return on our investment of 6%, which is not subject to tax. Next year, when the payments from the RO scheme will double for photovoltaic (PV) solar installations, we will get about £150 back, giving a total return of 7%. That will rise further if energy prices continue to climb - which is likely after oil prices hit yet another high this week.

There is an important caveat here. I received a 50% grant for the system from the government's low-carbon buildings programme - the total cost of buying and installing the panels was £17,000. Unfortunately, the government is so pathetic at supporting low-carbon technologies that it last year cut the maximum grant to £2,500 because the scheme was so popular. As a result, demand has collapsed to the extent that the small company that fitted my system has gone out of business.

That means your return on a system purchased now will be lower - little more than 3% for one like mine this year, rising to close on 4% when the RO payments increase next year. Still, 4% that is not taxable is comparable to a building society account that you do pay tax on.

What is particularly annoying about all this is that in Germany, where a proper system of support has boosted volumes - the Germans kitted out 130,000 houses with solar PV last year, while the UK managed less than 300 - costs have fallen dramatically and a system like mine would only cost about £9,000 without a grant.

Our system works by producing power - up to 3 kilowatts - during the day and exporting much of it to the grid because we are out at work and school most days. It's fun to watch our old-fashioned meter spinning backwards when the sun is shining. We get 12p per kilowatt hour (kwh) for what we export, though we pay more for what we import in the evenings. But the RO payment of £105 makes up the difference. Mind you, in Germany, we would get about 35p/kwh. No wonder the Germans have gone mad for PV.

We are now with npower, although Scottish and Southern Energy offers a flat 18p/kwh including the RO payment which, in terms of sheer simplicity, has to be a winner, although my 12p plus RO is equivalent to around 18p. They also fit an export meter for free whereas npower estimates our exports at 50% of what we produce. I will soon have a new meter fitted because none of the power companies likes the idea of them turning backwards.

I left Powergen last year because the npower deal was the best on the market. Powergen, you may not be surprised to hear, was really difficult about my going. It couldn't grasp that my meter had gone backwards and unilaterally added 4,000 kwh (a year's consumption) to our final bill - daylight robbery, if you will pardon the pun. I had to really battle with them to get a final refund. This whole thing can be a hassle so make sure you choose the right supplier at the outset to avoid having to change.

Just as exciting as our solar output was the fact that, at the same time as fitting the panels, we took a bunch of measures in the house to cut our electricity consumption. We changed every bulb in the house (except the fridge and microwave) to low-energy ones, and replaced our ageing fridge and freezer. Meanwhile, our electric oven packed up last summer, so we replaced it with a gas one, figuring that generating heat with gas was probably a lower-carbon solution than doing it with electricity.

The upshot is that we cut our electricity use from 4,000 kilowatt hours a year over the previous five years to a tad under 3,000 kwh, a reduction of 25%. As our 3kw peak solar panels produced 2,730 kwh over the year, we only used about 250 kwh of electricity from the grid.

The PV system is not even on a south-facing roof - it faces south-east - and is at a shallower angle than would be ideal. But still it performed well, and will go on doing so for decades. The estimate of panel "degradation", or loss of performance, is said to be 0.5% a year, so negligible.

People seem fixated with asking how many years the system will take to pay back. I could answer the question at the current yield of 6%, but that is up to 7% next year, so the payback time will shorten. And if oil prices continue to rise, pushing up electricity prices, my yield will rise and the payback will shorten. So it is impossible to predict.

But all that misses the point. The system represents an improvement to the house that saves money. So it should generate a higher sale value if I move. People don't ask what the payback time is of a new kitchen or bathroom - also home improvements - so why do they ask about a carbon-saving technology?

What has been interesting is the effect it has had on us as a family. You might think generating your own power would make you relaxed about leaving lights on or the TV on standby. But the contrary is true. It has woken us all up to the realities of energy use. The computer, TV, lights, everything, we now turn off at the wall when they are not in use. We have some of those remote control switches to turn off wall sockets that are hard to get to. In future when we go on holiday, we will empty the fridge and freezer and switch them off. The challenge now is to raise that 92% figure to 100%.

The tumble dryer has long gone, and I feel that hair-dryer use may be excessive. But in a family with two girls, that may prove a struggle. However, I have my eye on the electric toothbrushes next! We are also turning our attention to our use of gas. Last year, our boiler packed up (it was an expensive year!) so we fitted a new, condensing one which will use less gas. And I am going to double the thickness of the loft insulation.

Longer term, I plan to fit a solar thermal system which should provide between 50% and 70% of our hot water. Then it would probably be worth plumbing a hot-water feed into the dishwasher and washing machine rather than using cold water heated by electricity.

If any readers have views on this, please let me know. The aim is to see how little energy a fairly average Victorian terraced house can use and what the costs involved are. So far, it has been about £10,000 to achieve the electricity savings mentioned above.

The additional loft insulation will be a few hundred pounds. A solar thermal system will be about £3,500.

A Mystery in the Middle East

2008-04-11T16:57:00.000+01:00

A really interesting article I came across about the Middle East. Underneath it all what is the motive? Is Goerge Bush about to cement his legacy of war mongering? Are Iran, Syria and Israel about to get into a big skirmish and send oil prices even higher than the levels we are seeing at the moment? Who knows? We will soon find out.

A Mystery in the Middle East
By George Friedman

The Arab-Israeli region of the Middle East is filled with rumors of war. That is about as unusual as the rising of the sun, so normally it would not be worth mentioning. But like the proverbial broken clock that is right twice a day, such rumors occasionally will be true. In this case, we don't know that they are true, and certainly it's not the rumors that are driving us. But other things ? minor and readily explicable individually ? have drawn our attention to the possibility that something is happening.

The first thing that drew our attention was a minor, routine matter. Back in February, the United States started purchasing oil for its Strategic Petroleum Reserve (SPR). The SPR is a reserve of crude oil stored in underground salt domes. Back in February, it stood at 96.2 percent of capacity, which is pretty full as far as we are concerned. But the U.S. Department of Energy decided to increase its capacity. This move came in spite of record-high oil prices and the fact that the purchase would not help matters. It also came despite potential political fallout, since during times like these there is generally pressure to release reserves. Part of the step could have been the bureaucracy cranking away, and part of it could have been the feeling that the step didn't make much difference. But part of it could have been based on real fears of a disruption in oil supplies. By itself, the move meant nothing. But it did cause us to become thoughtful.

Also in February, someone assassinated Imad Mughniyah, a leader of Hezbollah, in a car bomb explosion in Syria. It was assumed the Israelis had killed him, although there were some suspicions the Syrians might have had him killed for their own arcane reasons. In any case, Hezbollah publicly claimed the Israelis killed Mughniyah, and therefore it was expected the militant Shiite group would take revenge. In the past, Hezbollah responded not by attacking Israel but by attacking Jewish targets elsewhere, as in the Buenos Aires attacks of 1992 and 1994.

In March, the United States decided to dispatch the USS Cole, then under Sixth Fleet command, to Lebanese coastal waters. Washington later replaced it with two escorts from the Nassau (LHA-4) Expeditionary Strike Group (ESG), reportedly maintaining a minor naval presence in the area. (Most of the ESG, on a regularly
scheduled deployment, is no more than a few days sail from the coast, as it remains in the Mediterranean Sea.) The reason given for the American naval presence was to serve as a warning to the Syrians not to involve themselves in Lebanese affairs. The exact mission of the naval presence off the Levantine coast ? and the exact deterrent function it served ? was not clear, but there they were. The Sixth Fleet has gone out of its way to park and maintain U.S. warships off the Lebanese coast.

Hezbollah leaders being killed by the Israelis and the presence of American ships off the shores of Mediterranean countries are not news in and of themselves. These things happen. The killing of Mughniyah is notable only to point out that as much as Israel might have wanted him dead, the Israelis knew this fight would escalate. But anyone would have known this. So all we know is that whoever killed Mughniyah wanted to trigger a conflict. The U.S. naval presence off the Levantine coast is notable in that Washington, rather busy with matters elsewhere, found the bandwidth to get involved here as well.

With the situation becoming tense, the Israelis announced in March that they would carry out an exercise in April called Turning Point 2. Once again, an Israeli military exercise is hardly interesting news. But the Syrians apparently got quite interested. After the announcement, the Syrians deployed three divisions ? two armored, one mechanized ? to the Lebanese-Syrian border in the Bekaa Valley, the western part of which is Hezbollah's stronghold. The Syrians didn't appear to be aggressive. Rather, they deployed these forces in a defensive posture, in a way walling off their part of the valley.

The Syrians are well aware that in the event of a conventional war with Israel, they would experience a short but exciting life, as they say. They thus are hardly going to attack Israel. The deployment therefore seemed intended to keep the Israelis on the Lebanese side of the border ? on the apparent assumption the
Israelis were going into the Bekaa Valley. Despite Israeli and Syrian denials of the Syrian troop buildup along the border, Stratfor sources maintain that the buildup in fact happened. Normally, Israel would be jumping at the chance to trumpet Syrian aggression in response to these troop movements, but, instead, the Israelis downplayed the buildup.

When the Israelis kicked off Turning Point 2, which we regard as a pretty interesting name, it turned out to be the largest exercise in Israeli history. It involved the entire country, and was designed to test civil defenses and the ability of the national command authority to continue to function in the event of an attack with unconventional weapons ? chemical and nuclear, we would assume. This was a costly exercise. It also involved calling up reserves, some of them for the exercise, and, by some reports, others for deployment to the north against Syria. Israel does not call up reserves casually. Reserve call-ups are expensive and disrupt the civilian economy. These appear small, but in the environment of Turning Point 2, it would not be difficult to mobilize larger forces without being noticed.

The Syrians already were deeply concerned by the Israeli exercise. Eventually, the Lebanese government got worried, too, and started to evacuate some civilians from the South. Hezbollah, which still hadn't retaliated for the Mughniyah assassination, also claimed the Israelis were about to attack it, and reportedly went on alert and mobilized its forces. The Americans, who normally issue warnings and cautions to everyone, said nothing to try to calm the situation. They just sat offshore on their ships.

It is noteworthy that Israeli Defense Minister Ehud Barak canceled a scheduled visit to Germany this week. The cancellation came immediately after the reports of the Syrian military redeployment were released. Obviously, Barak needed to be in Israel for Turning Point 2, but then he had known about the exercise for at
least a month. Why cancel at the last minute? While we are discussing diplomacy, we note that U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney visited Oman ? a country with close relations with Iran ? and then was followed by U.S. Secretary of Defense Robert Gates. By itself not interesting, but why the high-level interest in Oman
at this point?

Now let's swing back to September 2007, when the Israelis bombed something in Syria near the Turkish border. As we discussed at the time, for some reason the Israelis refused to say what they had attacked. It made no sense for them not to trumpet what they carefully leaked ? namely, that they had attacked a nuclear
facility. Proving that Syria had a secret nuclear program would have been a public relations coup for Israel. Nevertheless, no public charges were leveled. And the Syrians remained awfully calm about the bombing.

Rumors now are swirling that the Israelis are about to reveal publicly that they in fact bombed a nuclear reactor provided to Syria by North Korea. But this news isn't all that big. Also rumored is that the Israelis will claim Iranian complicity in building the reactor. And one Israeli TV station reported April 8 that Israel really had discovered Saddam Hussein's weapons of mass destruction, which it said had been smuggled to Syria.

Now why the Bush administration wouldn't have trumpeted news of the Syrian reactor worldwide in September 2007 is beyond us, but there obviously were some reasons ? assuming the TV report is true, which we have no way of establishing. In fact, we have no idea why the Israelis are choosing this moment to rehash the bombing of this site. But whatever their reason, it certainly raises a critical question. If the Syrians are developing a nuclear capability, what are the Israelis planning to do about it?

No one of these things, by itself, is of very great interest. And taken together they do not provide the means for a clear forecast. Nevertheless, a series of rather ordinary events, taken together, can constitute something significant. Tensions in the Middle East are moving well beyond the normal point, and given everything that is happening, events are moving to a point where someone is likely to take military action. Whether Hezbollah will carry out a retaliatory strike or Israel a pre-emptive strike in Lebanon, or whether the Israelis' real target is Iran, tensions systematically have been ratcheted up to the point where we, in our simple way, are beginning to wonder whether something has to give.

All together, these events are fairly extraordinary. Ignoring all rhetoric ? and the Israelis have gone out of their way to say that they are not looking for a fight ? it would seem that each side, but particularly the Americans and Israelis, have gone out of their way to signal that they are expecting conflict. The Syrians have also signaled that they expect conflict, and Hezbollah always claims there is about to be conflict.

What is missing is this: who will fight whom, and why, and why now. The simple explanation is that Israel wants a second round with Hezbollah. But while that might be true, it doesn't explain everything else that has happened. Most important, it doesn't explain the simultaneous revelations about the bombing of Syria. It also doesn't explain the U.S. naval deployment. Is the United States about to get involved in a war with Hezbollah, a war that the Israelis should handle themselves? Are the Israelis going to topple Syrian President Bashar al
Assad ? and then wind up with a Sunni government, or worse, an Israeli occupation of Syria? None of that makes a lot of sense.

In truth, all of this may dissolve into nothing much. In intelligence analysis, however, sometimes a set of not-fully-coherent facts must be reported, and that is what we are doing now. There is no clear pattern; there is no obvious direction this is taking. Nevertheless, when we string together events from February until now, we see a persistently escalating pattern of behavior. In fact, what we can say most clearly is that there is escalation, without being able to say what is the clear direction of the escalation or the purpose.

We would like to wrap this up with a crystal clear explanation and forecast. But we can't. The motives of the various actors are opaque; and taken separately, the individual events all have quite innocent explanations. We are not prepared to say war is imminent, nor even what sort of war there would be. We are simply prepared to say that the course of events since February ? and really since the September 2007 attack on Syria ? have been startling, and they appear to be reaching some sort of hard-to-understand crescendo.

The bombing of Syria symbolizes our confusion. Why would Syria want a nuclear reactor and why put it on the border of Turkey, a country the Syrians aren't particularly friendly with? If the Syrians had a nuclear reactor, why would the Israelis be coy about it? Why would the Americans? Having said nothing for months apart from careful leaks, why are the Israelis going to speak publicly now? And if what they are going to say is simply that the North Koreans provided the equipment, what's the big deal? That was leaked months ago.

The events of September 2007 make no sense and have never made any sense. The events we have seen since February make no sense either. That is noteworthy, and we bring it to your attention. We are not saying that the events are meaningless. We are saying that we do not know their meaning. But we can't help
but regard them as ominous.

The Global Warming Myth?

2008-04-07T15:59:00.001+01:00

An interesting excerpt from the Phil Flynn Energy Blast (Alaron Energies www.alaron.com) which looks at how the evidence for global warming has dissipated over the last decade and looks set to continue this way. For some global warming is unproven but the results of the hype which have caused people to be more earth conscious are of great benefit to the planet as a whole. The debate is set to continue and we may only understand the effects in hindsight.

[[[ Are you still worried about global warming? You need not worry, at least not this year. The BBC reported that global temperatures will drop "slightly" this year as a result of the cooling effect of La Nina current in the Pacific, quoting UN meteorologists. The World Meteorological Organization's secretary-general, Michel Jarrud, told the BBC it was likely that La Nina would continue into summer. So according to the BBC that this would mean global temperatures have not risen since 1998. Of course global warming experts say, "we are still clearly in a long-term warming trend" and they forecast a new record high within the next five years. Yet excuse me if I am wrong. I do not remember even one global warming expert predicting that global temperatures would not rise over the last decade. Could this be the lost decade when it comes to global warming?

And what about those fears that the global warming experts raised about natural disasters? Didn't some say that the active hurricane season we had in the Gulf of Mexico and the strange weather that was happening all over the country and the globe was due to unmistakable global warming? Yet how is this possible if global temperatures have not risen in the past ten years? Why were we not having these events 10 years ago?

This is also having and impact on business in a strange way. The Guardian Press reported that Lloyd's of London warned that an absence of natural disasters man-made and otherwise was putting pressure on firms to reduce premiums in 2008. The world's oldest and largest insurers of natural disasters were being squeezed. The company said at least half of their business was conducted in the US last year. It was a major insurer of the Florida seaboard and oil rigs in the Gulf of Mexico. The Guardian says yet after two years of relatively few claims for environmental damage, it has increased competition in the sector. That means for futures this hurricane season the "hurricane premium" will be lower as well. That also means if we do have an active hurricane season the move will be much stronger to the upside! I am not panicked about global warming but just to be safe you might want to by some cheap natural gas calls. ]]]

Get Ready for an Energy Burst

2008-03-12T16:56:00.001Z

Stay tuned to this blog for the latest Energy Burst - an indepth guide to what's hot and what's not in the world of energy futures.

The Steevieg Collection

2007-12-16T17:44:00.001Z

Here are some random poems by Steevie "Peanuthead" G as sent by text on various occasions of inspiration:

21/04/2006
The symbolic face of the first antelope herd on planet Munchding were shocked by the plethora of carrot flavoured pavement slabs along the road to Ant Bar.

09/10/2006
I once met a chap called Pap.
He did a rap about the map on his lap.
But all of a sudden the gap between the cap and him taking a nap blew up like a burnt crap.
It went zap right up the tap like a retarded Jap in a mouse trap.

16/10/2006
When the train pulled into Pennsylvain,
it was pissing rain,
just like that time in Spain when Bahrain felt the pain
After Saddam Hussein used the pasta strain to inflict hideous shame upon the goats.

26/10/2006
I once met a goat,
no wait was a stoat.
I thought...
Hmm potential coat.
But then it hit my scroat
then jumped on the float
in the middle of the moat,
was hit by a small boat full of retards

29/11/2006
The space between the field and the diversified yield
first became known by a chap who wouldn't wield.
He fell off the goat, nuts bitten off by a stoat
and not a thing left in his world but his boat.
But alas he felt grace as he checked his own face
cos the retard has slowed down the pace of the race
to cut lace from the field of disgrace.

A Poem by Liamo

2007-12-16T17:39:00.000Z

Jelly fire bricks
Don't start quick
But add some sambuka to the mix
And the bridge magnet cartoons bend brishisly

Japanese TV Show - So Funny!!

2007-10-22T20:23:00.000+01:00

This is one of the funniest things I have ever seen. Watch it until the end... hilarious!

Chavez - an interesting article

2007-08-28T11:08:00.000+01:00

President Hugo Chavez of Venezuela recently subsidised cheaper bus fares for poor people in London. Now the man who was once removed from his post in a coup that lasted hours and was backed by the United States is pushing forward with the battle for the moral ground in the third world. The following article describes this interesting policy:

Natalie Obiko Pearson and Ian James, The Associated Press

CARACAS, VENEZUELA - Laid-off Brazilian factory workers have their jobs back, Nicaraguan farmers are getting low-interest loans, and Bolivian mayors can afford new health clinics, all thanks to Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez.
Bolstered by windfall oil profits, Chavez's government is now offering more direct state funding to Latin America and the Caribbean than the United States. A tally by The Associated Press shows Venezuela has pledged more than $8.8 billion in aid, financing and energy funding so far this year.

While the most recent figures available from Washington show $3 billion in U.S. grants and loans reached the region in 2005, it isn't known how much of the Venezuelan money has actually been delivered. And Chavez's spending abroad doesn't come close to the overall volume of U.S. private investment and trade in Latin America.

But in terms of direct government funding, the scale of Venezuela's commitments is unprecedented for a Latin American country.

Chavez's largesse tends to benefit left-leaning nations that support his vision of a Latin America with greater independence from the United States. But he denies the two countries are in a competition.

"We don't want to compete with anyone. I wish the United States were 100 times above us," Chavez told the AP in a recent interview. "But no, the U.S. government views the region in a marginal way. What they offer is a pittance sometimes, and with unacceptable pressures that at times countries can't accept."

U.S. aid tends to be low-profile, constrained by strict guidelines and often distributed through other institutions so that recipients may not know it's from the U.S. government. Venezuela offers money with few strings attached and a personal Chavez touch that aid experts say generates more good will dollar for dollar.

Clay Lowery, the U.S. Treasury Department's acting undersecretary for international affairs, argues that the U.S. plays a larger role than reflected in its aid figures.

The United States, for instance, drove Inter-American Development Bank and World Bank debt relief deals totaling $7.5 billion over the past three years in Latin America, he said.

"Who is the biggest financier of the IDB? The United States. Who is the biggest financier of the World Bank? The United States is. We don't count those," Lowery said. "We're basically engaged on a multilevel, multi-prong approach."

Still, as the Chavez effect gains ground, there are signs the U.S. is responding to the challenge.

The U.S. Navy medical ship Comfort is on a four-month, 12-country voyage to Latin American ports and has already treated more than 80,000 patients with free vaccinations, eye care, dental checkups and surgeries aboard the converted oil tanker.

Fone Jacker

2007-08-23T10:50:00.000+01:00

There is a new show on E4 called Fone Jacker, its very funny. One of the funniest sketches I have seen is this one:

The best bit is him making the 'boop' sound. Hilarious!

Steevieg finishes Ironman

2007-08-01T11:16:00.001+01:00

Well done to Steevieg who finished the Ironman in Frankfurt, Germany 2007 in 14h 18 min.

Greg LeMond

2007-07-31T14:15:00.001+01:00

This is a really interesting story about Greg LeMond the triple winner of the Tour De France in an interview with Paul Kimmage in The Times (London). He talks about drug abuse in the sport and his own abuse as a child and how his demons helped him win the Tour.

Dance with the devil

2007-07-09T14:09:00.001+01:00

I foudn this song on youtube, it's a song they used to play in the bar we went to in Kos when we holidayed there back in 2000. Some things have changed now including haircuts but this song is still rubbish!!

New Poem

2007-05-23T12:13:00.000+01:00

Shrug a bug dog

Who ate a hog?

An old smelly frog

Jumped on a log

Splinter splinter turd face,

Only three toes,

Eat one,

Chop off his mop,

Dead.

Darfur - The US Agenda

2007-05-22T09:34:00.001+01:00

http://www.321energy.com/editorials/engdahl/engdahl052207.html

This is a very interesting article which describes why the US is suddenly so interested in the people of Darfur as opposed to Rwanda or even Zimbabwe.

Spiderman 3

2007-05-08T08:21:00.001+01:00

I watched this film last night and it is the gayest film since the gays invaded from the planet gay back in nineteen gayty gay!!!!

Whoever wrote the movie is either taking the p1ss or is a pure weirdo because some of it is absolutely ridiculous... "oh you'll always be my friend, my best friend"... I mean who says that, I know it is a film and is supposed to stretch the imagination but nobody is going to believe that, even kids cartoons are not that cheesy.

And as for the bit when Peter Parker/Spiderman becomes 'cool' and messes his hair, who is going to believe that either, seriously!!!! If someone was walking down the streets of New York like that they would probably be arrested or beaten up.

Even the action was ruined by the silly English reporter who's lines were obviously scraped off the bottom of a barrel from 1923 or the sign that read "Spiderman come and get us"... sorry to ruin this film on anyone but they already wrecked it themselves. I thought Spiderman 2 was bad but this takes the rabbit!

How can this be the biggest grossing movie weekend in US history?

The Killers, RDS Dublin 27/02/07

2007-02-28T15:03:00.000Z

Brandon Flowers is a handsome lad, his dress sense is original and awesome in my opinion. The stage decor was cool, kind of a cross between Moulin Rouge and Las Vegas cabaret. The lighting was awesome, lots of gold, silver, red and green.

The Killers are an awesome band, their music is great but my word are they bad live. They played all their hits and some others, one song that I never heard before that sounded like a mix between a 90's rave and Frankie Goes to Hollywood. So far, so good.

However, not once did they add anything extra to any of their songs, there was nothing special about this as a live performance as opposed to just listening to them on my iPod.

Brandon Flowers has no stage presence at all, no charisma and nothing that makes him, as the lead singer of the band, say to the audience 'I own you'.

Overall it was good to see them but not for €60 and I would give it a 3/5 rating.

Sparkle

2007-02-26T16:16:00.000Z

The final film screen at the Dublin Film Festival last night was Sparkle, a British movie. It was really good. A nice movie, Amanda Ryan and Shaun Evans play their parts really well and Bob Hoskins is great as the lonely old man.

The storyline is awesome and throws up some surprises along the way. The writers have just the right mix of comedy, emotional catalyst and character empathy to give the movie a lot of credibility as well as enjoyment.

Looking forward to seeing it on general release.

Sorry???

2007-01-30T15:46:00.000Z

Do you know what I hate? Like I mean really really HATE!!! People who say sorry when they get into a lift that you just got out of, like they whisper it. I think it is only an Irish thing, they do it in doorways too. What are they apologising for? That they were waiting for a lift???? That they are sorry for being outside the lift when you were leaving… what what what???? Don't say sorry.

Another thing... people who answer the phone and say "you have the wrong telephone number", who says 'telephone' anymore? especially in that context?!?!?!?!

David Brent Dance

2007-01-29T16:59:00.000Z

Tizer did the David Brent, of The Office fame, dance at a wedding in October 2006.

The Matrix

2007-01-08T15:49:00.000Z

I watched The Matrix last night for the first time. As a scientist and science fiction fan I found the concept to be interesting and a good take on the robots take over the earth in the future or the life we live is all a dream theme that we’ve seen in Terminator and Total Recall before. What I didn’t like about it was the dialogue, a little bit too nerdy for me. Its like the people who wrote it are 100% geekazoid and actually believe in the story that they have written. Apart from that the producers, directors and special effects people have done an awesome job and overall I liked it.

Rating 3.5/5

Matrix Reloaded:
This was pretty rubbish for the first half but I said I would give it a chance. Then the second half, apart from some of the dialogue again, was excellent. The action scenes were pretty damn good and made it worthwhile.

Rating 3/5

UCD Library

2006-12-28T18:08:00.000Z

Back in UCD when we were studying in the library we used to entertain ourselves with the following activities:

- Waiting for people to leave their desk and then drawing giant cartoon penises on their notes, sometimes on the notes of their neighbours with arrows pointing at that person and a note saying "i like you"

- Waiting for someone to leave their desk, then going to the biggest books of the library, huge atlases and encyclopedias and placing them in a massive pile on that persons desk

- Hiding behind the panelled walls in the library and waiting for someone to walk by. As they walk by start whispering "Help me" from behind the wall and scratch on it if that doesn't get their attention. Keep doing this until someone realises that you're behind the wall and then when they open the wall walk out and say thanks

I realised some of these after talking to Smithers last week in a bar in Dublin. I'll add to these as I remember them

Oh yeah, one other thing we spent most of our time doing was walking around checking out the hot chicks...

Photo of me and Smithers and some of the other Science lads

Amelie

2006-12-27T15:05:00.000Z

Amelie

Amelie is my new favourite film. I watched it last night and even though I shouldn't really have liked it, I did. It is so simple a story with such real characters, this is what makes it.

The movie is timeless. Audrey Tattou who plays Amelie is perfect with her huge brown eyes and white skin, it suits the character perfectly.

I would recommend you rent/buy it and watch it.

Airport - A Poem

2006-12-01T14:39:00.000Z

I’m bored off my face
Such a slow pace
Stupid people are they
Put your fukcin belt in the x-ray!

Retards all around
Spent a few pound
Its only 5 quid
Don’t bring your liquid!

Hot chick in the q
What does she do?
Her eyes fall on me
Nothing will be

East European muppet
Smells like dead rabbit
Get rid of the BO
Use some deo!

If I won an election
I’d create an injection
Makes babies dream
And not fukcin scream!

Clublurpety Doo - New Quiz Show!

2006-11-10T10:26:00.000Z

Clublurpety Doo
Clublurpety Doo
Clublurpety Doo!!

And here is your host Doktor Fat Face McNiceBarnet and Stupid Moustache...

Welcome on the show tonight. I'd like to welcome our guests, Sinky & Katie (nice baps), Steevieg & Frankie (nice baps) and Daz & Brian De Head.
Question 1: What is the capital of Bizmania?...
Blurp!
Ah that was Fraser on the blurper first... yes Fraser
"Hamish!"
I'm afraid that's wrong, anyone else like to hazard a guess?
Blurp!
Ah Daz, what is your answer?... going to confer with Brian then? Oops looks like he rolled off the counter there.
"Buzzmar"
Yes that's the correct answer, 10 points.
Steevieg and Frankie can you stop kissing please? Thanks.
Ok, question 2: How many retards does it take to eat a badger?
Steevieg, you have an answer?
"I think that the transconglomeration of the outer perturbation of the molecular donkey face is something that I disagree with. Frankie, shut up! I am talking!!!! The capitilisation of the badger culture began back in 1888........
- two hours later -
... and so I guess probably 2"
ZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.......... Sorry are you finished, no I'm afraid the answer is not 2 but thanks for your essay. Daz?
"Eh I once saw a cabbage eat an upsidedown chair, it was only one cabbage so I guess 4"
The correct answer...

Welcome back to the second half of the show. The current scores are:
Daz & Brian in the lead with 20 points
Sinky & Katie in second place with 10 points (bonus points of 5 per bap)
Steevieg & Frankie in last place with -5 points (cos he is a j3w!)
This is fastest finger first, I'd like you to nominate one person from each team. Ok... Frank, Fraser and.... Brian. Ok Brian, you know you don't actually have any fingers? No, I'm not being racist. No, I have nothing against bodiless people. Ok, fair enough.
Question 1: "What..."
BLURP!
Brian... well I don't know how you did that but what is your answer?
"Rabbit rabbit rabbit rabbit"
Yes, that's correct. The question was going to be what is the starting line of the famous hit song by The Retarded Pencil Frogs called I Live in a Pint of Aids Juice Halfway to the Moon, that's the correct answer.
Question 2: "Where..."
BLURP!
Daz, what is the answer?
"France"
No, I'm afraid that's wrong. No, it is wrong I have the answer here. What do you mean you don't accept that, you don't even know the question? The question was where is the planet Lambda? Its not right. What do you mean you're not playing any more? You are top scorer. You don't care, you won anyway? Ok...
BLURP!
Sinky, what is the answer?
"HAMISH!"
No, sorry, wrong answer. Frankie?
"Eh... I'm caught in a trap, I can't go on...." BANG!
Sorry, Steevieg had to shoot him, he was going to start singing.
The winner is Brian & Steevie, and all expenses holiday paid to the Retard Camp in Uzbekistan where you will be given 50 bullets to kill as many as you can.

Countries I have visited!

2006-11-10T10:20:00.000Z

I used to think it was a lot until I did this...

create your own visited country map

This makes I think 38 countries. I added two more at the end of 2006, Romania and Finland. To be added in 2007 are Iceland, India and maybe China. If I did Russia that would colour most of the map in.

Who is Brian De Head?

2006-10-18T18:42:00.000+01:00

It is not known where and when Brian De Head was born or raised. But he was born with a body.

Recent evidence suggests that he chopped off his body after training for the Moon Marathon which is an event where one runs a marathon across the Moon. Apparently his body was screaming so he chopped it off.

Since then he has moved to a new home inside the stomach of an ostrich where he lives.

He is great fun apparently. In a recent trip to Las Vegas he was seen bobbing in the pool to impress chicks.

Chicks is a touchy subject, he was dumped by the love of his life, Margaret because she said he had no heart which is harsh but true as he has no body.

Brian came with us skiing in Chile before Frankie Ding Dong arrived, fell off his skis and rolled all the way to Santiago. Nearly died but was ok cos he had a helmet on so only hurt his jaw. We left him in the hospital where he ended up marrying a girl with no arms and no legs... but she was still too much for him!

He came to Tenerife with me and I've seen a lot of him in Oslo too. Steevieg brought him to a few places I am sure and once got in a fight with him. That was ugly!

There are no known photos of Brian.

Good Things About Norway

2006-10-06T15:46:00.000+01:00

I was asked if there was anything good about Norway... I will add more if I discover them

1. Brunettes with arctic blue eyes

2. Hemsedal at Easter, the craziest party you will ever go to... well, its up there anyway and Norwegian people are mental after a beer or two!

3. Long days in summer

Strange things about Norway

2006-10-04T13:40:00.000+01:00

I have been 'living'/working in Norway since December 2005 and I wanted to share with the world some strange observations about Norway, I will keep this updated.

1. People

2. Winter & Summer
- Winter is dark and cold but dark even in the day
- Summer is bright and warm but really bright all the time

3. Food
- Norwegian people do not like flavours it seems, they eat bread, bread, bread, bread, cheese, cheese and cheese and strange bits of meat with salad. Some of their traditional dishes include burying a fish in a hole in the ground with salt and digging it up 6 months later rotten and eating it. They say "it doesn't smell nice but it tastes good". Yeah right!

Another one is boiled sheeps head. Now I have been told that you only get to eat this if you are invited to someones place, they would only eat it once a year and not everyone does it. Thank God for that! But apparently they eat everything... that would include tongue, face, chin, ears, eyeballs and brain! Sounds delicious.

4. SAD - Seasonal Adjustment Disorder:
I was once told by a Swedish girl that she hated Norwegians cos they so happy all the time, they appeared retarded. Well they do seem a bit too happy, although in Winter they either disappear or go sort of quiet or walk around the streets completely hammered drunk at times like 10 a.m. in the morning. I can see how Winter here would drive people to drink.

However in Summer they are the happiest people in the world, its a bit like the Truman Show.

5. Anywhere outside Oslo:
Weird!

6. People who live in the far north of Norway. There is nothing there, no people, its cold and dark, why would anyone want to live there?

7. Clothes
Some people I have seen wearing the following combinations:
- wellies, shorts, yellow belt, cravat, shirt
- traditional Norwegian clothes, nice.

8. Cross country skiing
People will actually get orgasmic telling you how much they love cross country skiing. In summer they put wheels on skiis and do cross country skiing on wheels. They absolutely love it! Can't see the appeal myself, uphill skiing seems like too much hard work and not enough reward. Give me the slopes anyday.

9. Last night:
Last night we went to a work function with 450 people, everyone got hammered drunk and they can't really handle their drink here. A band came on and the guy who was a sh1te singer, even worse than me, asked if we were ready for rock and roll and then sung the theme to Ghostbusters. He mentioned on quite a few occasions "I ain't afraid of no ghost".

Pineapple Potatoes

2006-10-04T13:31:00.000+01:00

In Chile (June-August 2002) me, Daz and Liamo lived in a wooden hut up in the mountains near Santiago de Chile. We lived in Refugio de la Universidad de Chile in a small mountain village called Farrellones. We snowboarded everyday.

Every weekend we went to the city, staying in La Casa Roja, going out in Calle Suecia and Bellavista. On the Sunday we went to the massive Lider supermercado in Las Condes to do our weekly shopping for food that we would eat up in the mountains.

Mainly we bought porridge, bread, eggs, turkey, ham, cheese (breakfast and lunch) and soup, potatoes, pasta, chicken, alfredo sauce, and beans (for dinner).

One day with a tin of beans we got a tin of pineapple free. We didn't think much of it until we were running out of food one week on a Thursday. All we had left was eggs, beans, potatoes and pineapples. So we decided we would fry the potatoes and then I thought lets throw in the pineapples with the potatoes and it was absolutely delicious.

Thats it, that the story about pineapple potatoes. The thing is that we cooked it more often after that cos we actually liked it. I even cooked it once since I got back.

Daz... on training for a 7 day marathon up Everest 12.07.05

2006-08-22T21:03:00.000+01:00

my 7 day marathon, everest training is also going quite well...

last nite...took a potato peeler...ripped all the skin of both feet...sprinkled them with salt..and then pured dettol all over them..
put on all my snowboarding gear...inluding extra tops, hats, goggles etc -
climbed into the oven...(big oven)...did a million (no exaggeration) sit ups will turning it on full blast...stayed there for 2 hrs..came out lightly toasted....but 6 pack looking nicely tanned...however goggles melted to my face...bit painful...but didn't stop me!
then hopped...ripped goggles off...took half skin off my face as well...
checked feet...don't have any left...just stumps...took off all clothes...just put on pair of lycra green luminous speedos...then climbed into the freezer to repeat sit ups...bit chilly...but suppose...have to acclimatise for the everest jog...
also did a million press ups...lost 4 fingers to frostbite...probably cos i was doing the pressups on finger tips...one handed...whilst embedding them in ice cubes...

anyway...got wheelchair lift into work today...due to losing my feet...might try and reattach them myself at lunchtime...bit of needle and thread...
as for the fingers...not so sure...maybe rip a few toes off and stick them on my hand...

looking fwd to training tonite already...gona drown myself in the bath...then drop a toaster in while being plugged in...just in case i get hit by lightning on the saraha marathon run or on everest...just wanna know what it feels like...so again i'll know it when i feel it...don't want any surprises..

Steevieg on Pain (10.03.05)

2006-08-22T20:58:00.000+01:00

Ramming a snooker ball up each nostril and walking out into the cold...letting the snooker balls expand and smacking ur face with a plank with splinters all over it!!! Fishing a contact lense out of the back of ur eye with a rusty spoon cover in weil's disease and cyaninde....then impaling urself on a splintered wodden pool holding 2 x 5kg weights in each hand and having a doss of the gas so every time u f#rt u slide down and eventually a spike comes out of u mouth!! Ur mate then rips u off the poles against the grain so u get more splinters!!
Then u jump into a paper mill and roll around in a pit of paper, fatally paper cutting every piece of ur body. But just before u die, ur mate sticks a pole in ur bottom and let a rat, which hasn't been fed for 2 weeks, to run up inside and eat ur internal organs!!!!
That happened me last weekend!

Sheep 34 Banana

2006-08-22T20:53:00.000+01:00

Sheep 34 Banana:

I ate a dogs face
It didn't taste nice
Happy little children
They are probably retards

Granny cooks chocolate in the microwave
Uncle in the garden eating watering cans
My internal organs run around my leg
Young frogs like to jump on buttons

Darkness descends upon the plants
Crying their eyes upon the flies
Dungeons of pain in carpet colour
Frown in monkey kneecaps

No ear lobes
The friendly beggar said.

THE END

This is my favourite poem I wrote and I think it is Niamh's favourite too.

Current Affairs by Sinky 08/07/2005

2006-08-22T20:52:00.000+01:00

Current Affairs
Affairs: The forbidden fruit All around us people are eating currents and having affairs And like a London commuter They are terrified of bad timing
On one hand They lust after bicycle oil And they only have one hand So there can be only one way to turn in the wheelchair Whizzing round the track In Glasgow's Kelvin Hall Happy little retards Giving their all
Up at Gleneagles They feast on haggis But that pr.ick Chirac Is a total fa.ggot Bitter and twisted He didn’t get the Olympics
London under siege People work on Money is more important than life Especially when you're Irish Godzilla waits to pounce on the escapees But like all giant lizards that are genetically mutated He's a po.of
Where is the end? What will become of us? Kyoto has failed So we're all fcuked.

New Poem by Me

2006-08-22T20:50:00.001+01:00

Today I went for a swim
They said “Is that him?”
Bop dop mop
Hop Hop
Pop

Bong dong gong
The rabbit ate a song
Inside it blurp
Hmmmmm

Great maggot juice
Eating eyeball soup
Slurp slurp slurp
The rabbits a$s sang blurp

Broom sweeps cats face
Off the Wednesday train
Swish swash gurgle
A yeti cuts off his toe

Pots hurt few sausages
Boil toil ants legs
Cut nut
Dim

Sinky wrote this poem for Niamh

2006-08-22T20:50:00.000+01:00

Retard Face by Sinky Jatwob

Retard face
Not his fault
She headbutts the table
And eats the curtain
Plants can't walk
They're g.ay

Champagne in your face
Leonard did it
Over the hill
Blurp!
Sits on a flag pole
Escaping the cattle-ships
And extracting an.al pleasure from the flag pole pressure

The wheelchair racers
Drool on their laps
So does Leonard
The lap-drooler
Snow falls
Planes fly
Some crash
The swamp drinkers hit each other in the face with pavements
AGGGHH!!!!!!!!!!

Maggot Babies

2006-08-22T20:49:00.001+01:00

I wrote this one for Niamh...

Maggot Babies by DOK

Small chicken in my socks
Pecking at the maggot
Old man says ughhhhhh
Cos he is retarded
Punch him hard in the knee
Kick him in the nuts
Pull his eyeballs out with an empty coke can

A tropical fish swam up my nose
A swan was born in my a$s
It cannot drive a car

Where is the blurp?
In your beard?
Boom.

Another poem by Sinky

2006-08-22T20:49:00.000+01:00

Dok loves to rhyme
If he has the time
They come in spurts
Like something else

Then you get loads
10 in 10 minutes
Like Stevie G in the sack

What will Daz do?
He loves his bird
But she lives in Dublin
Ding dang do
Magoo
Magoo likes milk

Milk leaks from my eye ball
Don't know why
Maybe I swam in it too long
Or maybe I'm a cow
I keep driving for miles

Miles

How far does one go to eat a house?
Depends what it's made of
Like the Famous Grouse
Sponsors of Scotland
Defeaters of England
Yeehaa!!!!!!!

A poem called Bounce

2006-08-22T20:48:00.000+01:00

Can
Man

Can a kangaroo
Jump into a poo
Climbing up a mountain
Or p1ssing off a fountain?

Bounce bounce bounce
Chop off his head
Blood blood blood squirts out his ned
Then you can pounce and kick him in the face

Peel a banana and put it down his neck
Stick a packet of biscuits into his pouch
Roll him into a ball and stand on a hill
Roll him down the hill

Bounce bounce bounce

Ban
Dan

Munch Mad

2006-08-22T20:47:00.000+01:00

This is a poem I wrote called Munch Mad:

Munch
Punch

I ate brunch
I then ate lunch
Grapes is a bunch
He drank some punch

He lives in a pad
Grapes is bad
He’s a lad
He’s bad

Pad
Mad

The first poems of the collection

2006-08-22T20:45:00.000+01:00

Here are some poems written by me, Steevieg, Grapes and Daz, we submitted them for publication but we got refused:

The Clinic, by Sean 1976-2005

At first I was afraid,
I was petrified,
The fact that my sex life was being denied,
But then I spent so many nights,
Worrying with fear,
I shed a tear,
But at least I’ll know my penis’s clear
So Off I go,
To the clinic,
I’ll just walk in there,
And say will you test my dick!
I want you to do all your stupid tests
And I want them all for free
And just tell me if it will hurt
Not just say it’ll be scratchy

So off I go,
Through the Dr’s door,
I’ll drop my pants now,
I have no dignity any more
Weren’t you the one who said
It’ll be over in just a jiffy,
I thought I’d crumble
I thought please don’t get a stiffy
But no not I, I will survive
Bring on your cocktail twizzler
And stick it up inside
I’ve got my teeth clenched down tight, it’d better be worth this shite
I will survive, I will survive….hey hey!

Kettle Cattle Arm Explosion, Doktor

there was a young man called Jobnob
who came from Bizmania
he had four baby pregnant lamps
and listened to the soundtrack from Wrestlemania

He became a warrior ninja
and didn't let barcharts stop him
then he went to the Prime Minja
and laid down the consititution

His new car was ocean
And when the pen broke
He bought a new one
Because his arm exploded

Liberty is the cost of energy
In the capital Buzzmar
But they who are in aeriels
When do cats eat chips?

Ding-a-ling dang Eat My Face, Stevie G

As I walk through the valley of the shadow of doom
I take a look at myself and realise I've become a croon
Coz I've been running and cyclin' a lot
But the pool feels like a lump of snot
With the feeling of pain
And motivation to regain
Its mind over matter or I'll just get fatter
Drinking like a fish and shitting on my runs
The road feels like its full of huns
For me, a Celt, it's a tough old jog
And before runs I must drop the log
So what to do you ask of me?
Well here's my answer u smelly gee
Reform my shit and grope some tits
Make it up the hill without the aid of a pill
I'll do this tri or I will die
I could act like a homo mouse
But first I'll get a dirty scouse!!

Mutated Ass Monkey Eating Floppy Spunk Monster, by Fraser Sinclair

Far, far away,
In the galaxy of haematoma
Lay a man but not a man
For he was a pillar
A real pillar, not just of the community
Hanging his head in shame, he smashed the toaster over her head
Wounded she was
Defeated she was not

Spider webs are less sticky then her vengeance
And toast is less burnt than her vagina
For the floppy disk drive is no longer available
Just thrown on the scraphead along with the jellyfish

But the jellyfish mutate
They no longer float but swim up pipes
Stinging the bare arses in the toilets
And finding their way in to peanut butter sandwiches

Sandwiches that should not be eaten but are consumed with relish
Horseradish relish
It squirts in the eye and blinds the poor lions
But as the saying goes;
In the land of the blind, the one eyed lion is king
The hyena disagree
And lick their bottoms as they go
Because they need to send a message
To a man who we all know
Who courts defeat
And dances with shame

Stevie G you can't quit
Too much is at stake
The lads will not let you
Or we'll keep writing this sh1t

Dublin Passport Office

2006-08-21T15:02:00.000+01:00

Went to Dublin Passport Office today to get a certified copy of passport. But they are Timmmmaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy's. The rude lady at the front desk told me that they didn't do them and that I would have to go to the Department of Foreign Affairs. The man at the front desk in there, another Civil Service employee who hadn't a clue and is as lazy as a pregnant rabbit with no legs, told me that they didn't do them either and sent me to a solicitor who told me to go back to the passport office who told me I need to get a new passport and it will cost €125!!!!

Now, I needed the certified passport to help open a trading account online to make money... and before I have even set it up it has cost €125!!!

Its ok though I will make it back in Vegas...

Scooby Doo

2006-08-18T16:32:00.000+01:00

Scooby Doo barked at a cat and he growled at a mouse. It was not in a house. I like to smell my toenails. Zoiks!

Leeds is savage, it is nice, I like rice.

If you make love to an animal do you make love to its poohole or its weehole.

One day in 1997, me and Jokes went for a run in our boxer shorts in the rain in Boston, MA. I don't remember why but it was funny at the time.

Steevieg Joke

2006-08-18T00:03:00.000+01:00

Today Steevieg told me a joke:

What did one cat say to the other cat?

"Fu#k off ya h0mo!"

Whats up with LA?

2006-08-09T23:43:00.000+01:00

Frankie Ding Dong asked me what was up with me and LA? Here is my response:

Well... it was a long time ago now but I left San Diego (the whales vag1na) to make some cash and headed for the bright lights of LA. There I found a woman sporting a handlebar moustache who introduced to me a game people commonly know as checkers. She was a wizard. I had to king her every time but the fact was that she was psyching me out really, testing me for what I never knew would be the biggest challenge of my life... to down a naggin of Baileys in three seconds. She introduced the concept to me over dinner after we made love on a mahogany balcony in her 3 story apartment on the east side of town close to where all the homies live. She lived there because she was a famous rap singer back in 1963 before it became famous and was worshipped by all those who lived close by. Little did I know but she had once gone scuba diving with Neil Diamond off the coast of Florida hunting for marlin with her bare hands and wrote a rap song about it. It was pleasant but too racist at a sensitive time. The Baileys went down fast, and she even faster. I didn't mind the moustache as I had one myself but not as bushy as hers. She left that day and never said goodbye. I lived in her house for two weeks before I finally decided she wasn't coming back and since then I haven't been able to return to LA.

Pope in the bush

2006-08-02T13:35:00.000+01:00

I found a pope in the bush the other day and I squashed it. It burst and left yellow stains on my shirt. So I took my shirt to the green grocers to get it cleaned, now we all know what happens when you mix yellow and green. Yes that’s right it turned blue. Now I don’t like this blue shirt so I burned it and then John’s ghost left the shirt because it was the one in which he died in back in 1973. That was sad, do you remember? Poor old John just walking down the street and the next thing a herd of rabbits came out of nowhere and trampled him to death. Six of the rabbits died during the melee and we ate them all at the wake. But everyone was asleep and they all had the same dream at the same time. They were all floating on the back of a giant balloon in French Guiana and a jungle monkey burst the balloon and it landed on the canopy of the forest and woke up the angry bear with no legs who chased us through the jungle but he was only rolling. You know what that reminds me of? A rolling bear gathering moss. He had a whole bag of moss by the time he caught Margaret and ate her with a bit of moss on top. She tasted like chicken he said. Which also reminds me. Are bears able to speak? And do they speak English, even in the jungles of French Guiana? I don’t know cos I have never been. But I know a man who has. His name is Tom and he lives on the side of a bus drivers chimney on the coast of Niger. You may be thinking that Niger doesn’t have a coast. But it does, its just really really small.

War in Lebanon

2006-08-01T16:37:00.000+01:00

Israel is showing the world again that it is afraid to face up to its responsibilities by continuing to attack Lebabon after the massacre at Qana. The United States is sponsoring this massacre and the continued appeasement of Israels advancement in the Middle East by the US, UK, Canada and Australia will have longer term repercussions.

Hezbollah on the other hand is continuing to launch attacks on Israel and obtaining political advantage at the deaths of innocent civilians under the attacks of the Israelis. Iran for sure is using this to strengthen the power and support of its regime in Tehran.

Two sides playing a dangerous game with innocent lives supported by evil empirical tyrants who wish to use them as pawns in a bigger game.

The same was done by the US and USSR in the Cold War by supplying factions of wars in Africa and other poor countries to fight wars using their weaponry.

In the end it is all a waste of time as all empires crumble. But what lessons are to be learned by the human race? Have we really evolved as far as we think?